Sheila Williams ~ Singing Cloud

ALONE, NOT LONELY!

Sheila Williams: Alone, Not Lonely!

IWVPA Club Recognition of Outstanding Non-War Related Writing: June 28, 2008
Awarded: June 28, 2008
Alone is not lonely, it is the knowing of one’s self, sitting quietly at peace with the person that I am, all the trials and troubles, all the mistakes and sorrows, all the blessings and the joys, these are the strengths that dwells within.

So many years have passed since I was a little child, wishing on the first star that glimmered in the North, lying on my back beneath the midnight skies, counting all the fires of the ancestors who kept careful watch, knowing I was safe.

How many paths led to nowhere, how many times I must back track, too many times I stumbled and painfully fell, hurting in silence tears not allowed to fall, holding all inside me my back against the wall, beaten down by life itself.

Trusting always that one day all would be made right, nursing bumps and bruises ashamed to tell from where they came, slapped down time and again by those I trusted most, hiding all but mostly from myself, my pride would not allow a fall.

Facing daily the simple truth I was in this all alone, not one human to turn to could make it go away, it was my life to live, my mistakes to make, and when the babies came they were my reason to go on, they were my will to fight for all I knew was right.

Watching as they grew up, and giving them the chance to be free, to watch in growing wonder all Mother Earth could truly be, to be amazed at all the mysteries that peopled Father Sky, to hear the whispers on the winds and know that they belong.

The connection from grandchild to grandparent is with us complete, as I now move to take grandmother’s seat, and pray that I am teaching as my grandmother taught to me, that one day they too would move forward with confidence.

No, alone is not lonely, when you hear the spirits speak, hold close the blessed feeling that your own time to end grows close, and hope when you begin your journey into the west, your ancestors will be singing well done my child come home!