William H.A. Willbond MSM, CD

THE DEMOTION

Billy Lost His Stripes, yes, once again
Oh the shame, hangover, and pain
Things they will never, ever be the same
Now that the RSM’s got his name!

Ah Billy, he was demoted, alas, once again
In front of the Battalion’s Regimental Parade men
Not for head-butting a meathead, up at the front gate
Not for coming into camp, and on parade a bit late

It was for head-butting a young parade lad with the drum
Sure he hit him dead center in the back of the bum
You may laugh hard, and snicker, and of course you will gloat
HMQE2’s Birthday Party, was f’d up, by our Goat!

Billy, again, had been drinking when he was in town
A’ chasing young goatesses around that he found
The drummer, that bummer, he had sank Billy’s boat
Now promotion’s not possible, in fact, it’s remote!

So all you young soldier’s – carry condoms, take note
If you are screwing, in town, like a young Billy goat
Don’t be late for parade and don’t head-but the drummer
Or you too will lose stripes – like our Billy, this summer!

Billy and handler Lance-Corporal Dai Davies
Billy the goat, photographed before the unfortunate incident, with his handler Lance-Corporal Dai Davies. (Associated Press)
Billy, a six-year-old goat that is the mascot for the Royal Welsh Regiment in western Cyprus, was demoted to fusilier from lance-corporal Saturday after his superior officers ruled that his disruptive behaviour ruined a regimental parade at the British army base in Episkopy.

The parade included several international dignitaries who had been invited to celebrate Queen Elizabeth’s 80th birthday.

Billy allegedly darted from side to side, throwing soldiers off their stride. But his worst offence was “trying to head-butt the waist and nether regions of the drummers,” said Capt. William Rose.

British army spokesman Capt. Crispian Coates told the Canadian Press: “The goat, which has been the Royal Welsh Regiment’s mascot since 2001, was supposed to be leading the march but would not stay in line… He was reported for insubordination, and after consideration the commanding officer decided he had no option but to demote Billy.”

The demotion was all the more shocking because Billy comes from a long line of British army blue bloods. His bloodline traces back to 1746 when his ancestor was donated to the Welsh regiment from the royal goat herd.

It wasn’t immediately clear what impact the demotion would have.

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