Mike Subritzky

MISSING YOU

I sleep, I dream, I nightmare… always the same movie, always in Technicolor.

Always the men I knew, who were killed because I gave out the target data.

Always too, that one young guerrilla who was gut-shot, and then culled by the Rhodesians, with a pistol bullet through the mouth… just another war crime, and he was only about 16 or 18… and yet again, always the smell of fear, and blood.

Tonight it is different… very different.

First that glimpse of you in your white nursing uniform… face and brown eyes dancing before me.

So professional… always.

Then later,

Walking into the Canteen in jeans and a jersey, your hair an absolute mane, a true bloody Sagittarius… the entire room stops talking, and looks up, then you pause, and take just the slightest fleeting glance in my direction.

Music plays inside of my head, ‘Brothers in Arms’ and I know that quite soon you will be gone.

Just to touch or hold you one more time… it never happens, but hey, God decides these things.

This time, you slowly pour coffee and milk, and then you are beside me, seated and relaxed, your left hand lingering on my right.

I want you in my world, always… but can never find the words.

Any time now you will disappear… always a fleeting (and chance) meeting, but this time you remain… why?

Then we are in bed, your bed… I hold you close, smell you, taste you, and kiss you deeply… the lingering scent of flowers.

Then we are entwined, and I am above you, moving inside of you, listening to your disrupted breath. Your hands draw my body deeply into you, although I pause, and gently move your right hand ‘there’… between us.

I rise and fall above you, you move, and gasp, and moan, and pleasure beneath me… just so, so, very beautiful and intimate… always. Something you share only with me.

At the very moment of your climax, I crush you with my lips, and propel myself to orgasm… long, slow, intimate, and beautiful… once again we a Lovers, the years between us are meaningless.

Later, we snuggle and hold for the longest time, your DNA and mine exploded and shattered between us… I drift off into the afterglow for just an instant, and then when I awaken, I am alone, in my own bed and familiar surrounds.

I call your name over and over, but beloved, you were a moment in time and space, a dream, a beautiful long and loving dream… and once again you are gone… can I never awaken beside you?