Ann-Marie Spittle

I THOUGHT…

I thought we were friends Lord, but here I am in pain
You promised me you would never forsake me
But I do not hear your voice
My heart is bleeding at the news I have just heard
But where are you my comforter
As I lay here in the dark and wonder why

Why should I stay here in the world you created?
When all this evil hurts me so
My losses are too great and weigh too heavy
I cannot see the light of which you spoke

I move into the bathroom and open the cupboard
And pull the pills out and lay them out to take:
I think I will be one less person you’re hurting
And I reach to get a glass from off the side

And then I see your face beside me in the mirror
And spin around and see you stood with arms out open wide
I fall into them and you hold me closely
And stoke my hair, then smile at me and say,
“My dear child, do you think I’d break my promise
For I am always here to guide you in your way?
Now put away those pills and listen to me
For we have much great work still left to do,
And without your help I will be nothing
And the people who all need you will be too”

And when I woke to the phone beside me ringing
I said hello and nearly started to cry
As I heard a happy little voice on the other end reply
“Auntie can we come and live with you now
As Mammy and me need to get away?
Mammy’s boyfriend turned out to be a bad man
And his lifestyle will kill us if we stay.”

So after we had made her plans of escape
And she was in a car to where I lived
I thanked the Lord for making me see true sense
For my death would have taken two more lives as well
And that’s too far great a selfishness
Even for one who felt she was already dead