Jim Smith and Butch Jones

CHRISTMAS EVE AT THE BAR G RANCH

Christmas Eve in the Bar G bunk house
Yep! everything quiet as a mouse
Then Bob touched my shoulder, woke me with a shake
There’s a strange noise outside, scared me for goodness sake
I lay where I was for a minute or more
Something outside was sounding mighty poor
Ooooooh, Ho! Oooooh, Ho! Came from outside
Someone still makin’ noise, so we knowed he hadn’t died
Bob and I opened the door and looked all around
Well here was this big fat man dressed all in red, making that awful sound
That’s Santa, Bob said pointing to his sleigh
Santa turned said, pinched a nerve in my back, and end of my nights still half a world away
Bob popped right up a big smile on his face
There’s a new bone cracker Doc in town, we’ll take you to his place
The sign out front said Chi-re-o-practor, Doc J proprietor, Day or Night Bang on the Door
I hammered and hammered, tell the light came on and my fist was sore
Bob and I took Santa inside, Doc said get him up on the table
Now, with Santa aboard, that table looked none too stable
Next to Santa, Doc J’s just a feather light weight
Well like he was born to ride he climbed right up on top of Santa, he didn’t hesitate
He pulled Santa’s left arm, pushing his right hip down and around
That’s when the table gave a grown, then we heard this wood splintering sound
Yep! Doc J, Santa and table all mixed up on the floor
I grabbed Bob, pulled him back, as he headed for the door
Bob we’ve got to untangle this terrible mess
You grab a fat leg, I’ll grab a skinny, you go that way I’ll go this, I guess
We pulled and we pulled, oh the moans and the screams
These two were balled up and held together by splinters it seems
So we’es pulled and plucked, till they was two once more
Doc J, he’d been nailed by splinters to that pine board floor

Amongst the pullin’ the moans and all the screams, we heard a back crack
A smile spread across Santa’s face, as he jumped in his sleigh and pulled in his sack
As Santa flew oft to the night, We Heard him say, You Cowboys saved Christmas Day
With splinter Acu-puncher and Chi-re-o-practic, for all those kids half a world away