John Robert Mallernee

Part 6: RINGO AND THE U.F.O.

While on guard duty late one starry night, Ringo, the amazing Border collie and trusty star wonder dog of the Rocking G Ranch, lay basking in the sun as a driving rainstorm pelted down.

It was a hot muggy night in the middle of a viciously freezing winter, when the sun’s heat made the Man in the Moon melt, because everyone knows the moon is made of cheese.

Boys and girls, can you tell me what kind of cheese the moon is made of?

Do you like cheese?

Have you ever seen the Man in the Moon?

As Ringo intelligently contemplated the vast mysteries of the cosmos, his alert brown eyes noticed a strange brilliant object racing erratically across the sky, just above the distant horizon.

As the eerily glowing object drew nearer, Ringo could discern various blinking lights surrounding an oblong saucer-shaped craft, which made a soft, high-pitched whirring noise.

Suddenly, the strange object was just above Ringo’s head, and Ringo was surrounded by a brilliant shaft of white light, emanating from the strange flying object.

Do you boys and girls know what this strange flying object might be?

Ringo, the amazing border collie and trusty star wonder dog of the Rocking G Ranch, was pulled through the air, up into the strange flying object.

Inside the craft, Ringo saw panels lined with blinking lights that hummed and beeped.

There were three human beings who were dressed from head to toe in thick white suits.

One of them petted Ringo and said,

“We’re here visiting from a far distant planet in a far distant solar system in a far distant galaxy.

“We’ve seen Earth’s cowboy movies and television shows and now we want to learn more about border collie dogs, because Earth’s scientists have proven that border collies are the most intelligent of any breed of dog.

“Also, the little children on our planet would like to have a beautiful border collie to play with.”

Boys and girls, can you tell me why people from a far off distant world look just like us?

Some people think beings from another planet would look very strange, maybe even like monsters.

They sat Ringo next to the window, so he could enjoy the ride through space.

As the strange Unidentified Flying Object (for that’s what the initials, “U.F.O.” stand for), hurtled deep into outer space, farther and farther from Earth and the Rocking G Ranch, Ringo could see that outer space was made up of Mars candy bars, Milky Way candy bars, green cheese, and twinkling Hollywood stars.

When the spacecraft finally landed on another beautiful world, a couple of gozillion mega-miles away, everybody hopped out, and Ringo was immediately surrounded by hundreds of laughing, joyous children, all trying to pet him at the same time.

Of course, Ringo loved all of this attention, and in his Border collie brain, one world seemed pretty much like any other world, with nothing to really be concerned about.

But, something was wrong, all wrong; very, very wrong.

Can you boys and girls guess what might be wrong?

Ringo, the amazing Border collie and trusty star wonder dog of the Rocking G Ranch was HOMESICK!

Ringo missed chasing the kitty cat and the birds and the butterflies at the Rocking G Ranch.

Not only that, but Ringo felt guilty because he wasn’t at his post, guarding the ranch.

So, Ringo yelped and whined and cried, and lay on the ground with his forepaws covering his snout, and his proud bushy tail tucked dejectedly between his legs.

Do you boys and girls feel sorry for Ringo?

Would you like to help Ringo get back home again?

Okay, boys and girls, all together now – – -

Shut your little eyes, cross your fingers, and say,

“KaWallaWalla-LammaRamma-BoomBoomBLAM!”

This touched the hearts of the men from outer space and they saw that Ringo was sad.

So, they climbed on board another spacecraft, and took Ringo for another nice long ride through outer space, only this time, they were returning to Earth.

The next morning, the ranger walked out into the yard at the Rocking G Ranch, where he saw Ringo sound asleep.

“Why, wake up, you old lazy worthless hound!

“What have you been doing that’s made you so tired?”

Ringo woke up, grinned at the ranger, yawned sleepily, and had a nice long very comfortable stretch in the morning sun, as he remembered his great adventure of the past night, something he knew the ranger would never understand.