Andrew “Andy” Ladak

DARKNESS, MY DESTINY

Darkness…

You were my friend.
Once,
cloaked in your cover,
in silence and stealth,
I crept through the night
delivering death.

Darkness,
I loved you then,
for you were my savior.
As daylight betrayed me,
so you let me hide.
My refuge and shelter,
you kept my secrets
and kept me alive.

Darkness,
you were my scourge.
I cursed you and blessed you,
feared you, revered you,
my ruthless enabler,
time after time.
Though fickle and faithless,
indifferent, uncaring,
I made you mine.

Darkness,
you never left me,
you lie still within,
an ember of blackness,
awake in my soul,
evil yet holy,
virulent, patient,
awaiting my call.

Darkness,
I love you today
as I loved you then.
You once gave me life,
and now bring me peace.
I sense you draw near
and crave your embrace,
your eternal release,
for you are my destiny.
You always were.

Darkness…

Author’s Note: As an infantry soldier, I was taught that the dark of night would be my friend and ally, but only if I became comfortable with it and learned to use it for my purposes. Although I never tamed it, and although it also hid nightmares, I came to love the dark of night. I also came to realize that darkness, as a metaphor for death and for my latent capacity for violence, is all too close.

Now nights are mostly silent and peaceful for me, but I still love them.