Colin F. Jones

WHAT HAVE I DONE?

~ 1 ~

I have returned, my love. But where are you?
Gone without a trace with him who cares,
I may have changed you know! For some do,
If you had loved me through my long repair.
You held me up when horror claimed my soul,
In every outrage, I kept you in my heart,
Through every battle all your love I stole,
Lest I in terror fell hopelessly apart.
Now I’m alone a soldier from the past,
With only memories for my comfort now,
And even they seldom ever last,
For I still battle with that war somehow!
Why must I suffer so, what have I done?
I served my flag and took up freedoms gun.

~ 2 ~

The photos that you sent bring pain to me,
Though I thank you for the thoughts of long ago,
I looked so young back then, so wild and free,
But now I’m just a veteran don’t you know.
I look ok I guess, I’m not so bad,
Not much hair and flab about my gut,
My eyes perhaps where joy was are now sad,
And my door, which once was open, now is shut.
I don’t sleep to well at night for fear of dreams,
That scare me like it was back there in Nam,
Still I hear those bloody awful screams,
So I try to stay awake as best I can.
But then I get so tired that I must sleep,
Cause if I don’t I’ll just sit here and weep.

~ 3 ~

So what have I done with my life and time?
There are no children calling out for dad,
And all I have are medals that are mine,
For love and kisses I have never had.
The war is over where I did my best,
To be a soldier worthy of my rank,
Every moment was a terrifying Test,
Against the soldier and his bloody tank.
What have I got? Just memories of my mates
Who died in mud and slush and jungle rot,
My mind can only think of what it hates,
And all the thoughts of family are forgot.
Except sometimes when I hear that a mates dear son,
Is overseas where another war’s begun.