Phil “Country” Crowley
IN MEMORY OF JESSICA LYNN DAVIS: January 10, 2006
I dedicate this to Jessica, a young girl of 20 years. It was on this day that I met Jessica, but our meeting was not one of friendship or joy. I witnessed her death on this day. Although I did not know Jessica, I felt such terrible pain for her as I helped covered her shattered body. Involved in a motorcycle accident, she died alone on a highway surrounded by strangers.
I did not see the beauty of her face or feel the warmth of her heart. I asked myself why God had let me witness such a horrible tragedy; all I could do was wonder when the answer to this question would come. Surely God is testing me as He had done so many other times in my life, but why this? Why did I have to see this young woman lose her life?
I know that God chose Jessica to join his Heavenly league of Angels, and I know that she will dwell in a joyous and wonderful place. After days of endless nightmares and sleepless nights, it came time to bring some degree of closure in my heart. I visited the funeral home where family and friends were paying their last respects to Jessica. I needed to see the face of this young woman that I had seen die just days before. I had to rid my mind of the image that had been tormenting me.
Inside the funeral home were countless pictures of Jessica smiling and full of life. This was the Jessica that I wanted to see, not the broken shell that was laying on the highway on that dreadful day. As I looked at the pictures, I saw how beautiful she was… such a young and beautiful woman. I looked at the body that lay in the coffin; this was not Jessica, only a vessel that held her soul. The young woman that everyone knew and loved was gone, except in their hearts and minds. I knew then that Jessica’s spirit was in the room with me and she would help me through this difficult time.
I went over to express my condolences to her parents. In a time that had to be the worse of their life, they reached out to comfort me. How could this be, they had just lost their child; yet they were concerned about my well-being. Obviously, these were people of character. We held each other; cried and comforted one another. It was at this point that I realized that God and Jessica had reached down from Heaven to give peace to her Mother, Father, and myself.
I feel comfort now. I do know that the nightmares and the images will come again and again, but I feel now that Jessica will comfort me when they do.
Your Death Is Earth’s Tragic Loss
But Heaven’s Sweet Gain.
©Copyright February 2006 by Phil “Country” Crowley
Tomorrow, Feb. 10th will be one month since I witnessed a young girl (20 yrs. old) killed on her motorcycle. Coming home from work that day (Jan. 10th) I was behind her when she was struck head-on and killed. I was involved in the accident, but drove off into a ditch to avoid striking her motorcycle after she was struck. The nightmares of what I saw that day almost destroyed me mentally.
Not since Vietnam had I witnessed anything so horrible. I am recovering, but I know that it will take time and each time the visions return, I am prepared and I deal with it. I have taken a couple of weeks off work to rest and get my head clear.
Anyway, I had written a memorial for Jessica and it was published in our local paper and I wanted to share this with all of you. I have friends and family that have been terrific helping me through all of this, but there are some things that only a veteran will understand; how the mind will play tricks on you, and how hard you have to fight to remain sane.
Having battled PTSD and the loss of a child, I thought I was prepared for this battle and while I was not, I am in the process of winning this one. I know that the visions, dreams, etc. will come for a long while, but I am prepared and writing the memorial helped me and Jessica’s parents reach some degree of closure.
Sorry, I got to rambling. Enjoy the Memorial. I will tell you this, when I got home that evening after the accident, I told my wife, daughter, and son that I loved them very much for you never know when your time will come. I took out the paragraph separation so that it would fit on one page.
Phil “Country” Crowley
February 9, 2006