CHILD OF MY LOST DREAMS

This is to my child
Who never was conceived
I'll talk of my decision
And say what I believed

By now I know that you would
Have reached or passed the age
The same as when I had to
Take stock of things and gauge

That I could not be trusted
To guarantee my best
In raising you undamaged
I had too much unrest

See, when I was a young teen
I dreamed about the day
When I would love a woman
And you'd be on the way

Back then life was so hopeful
And dreams were to be had
There was no reason not to
Believe I could be Dad

A little later on then
I went to The Marines
It's something I am proud of
And not what changed my dreams

A place that's called Viet Nam
Was suffering in war
I went to fight for Freedom
That's what Marines are for

You'll never know what war is
For you remain unborn
But child of my lost dreams
War left my spirit torn

I saw so much destruction
And learned all about pain
In war all of those moments
Forevermore remain

And that is when my instincts
Began to speak to me
And told me I could never
Be that Dad I wished to be

Too many things were different
Inside my fractured soul
No surgery or bandage
Could ever make it whole

Some men who've been to battle
Are fathers, and the best
I admire and salute them
But in that way I'm not blessed

So I chose to protect you
And I'd say in advance
I'd walk away from women
If a child was in their plans

I wasn't being noble
I wasn't being kind
I had to pay attention
To the madness in my mind

Tonight is like all others
Whatever's done is done
But I didn't want to hurt you
And at least that war is won

©Copyright June 1, 2005 by Tim Bone

Awarded: June 3, 2005

Awarded: June 6, 2005