Ruby Alexandra Beloz

LOOKING INTO MIRROR

Ruby Alexandra Beloz: Looking Into MirrorLooking into mirror
After so many years
I asked myself:
What happened to me?

Something inside went wrong
I tell myself to be strong
How many times do I have to say,
“So long Vietnam.”

I looked into the mirror again
I see past my flesh on my skin
The scars I wear nobody can see
Behind the shadows of the Wall

Are the names of my Brothers
Their voices still haunt me
It was so long ago
Tell me who really cares

What the hell happen to me?
Where is the man I used to be?
I reached for the medicine cabinet
To take a handful of pills
Trying to keep my nerves still

But the dreams always seem so real

Hoping to get some sleep tonight
Praying to God to stop these dreams
Of what I used to be:
But the dream is always the same

I am running though the jungle rain
Trying to hide from my pain
Trying to forget so many names

But the dreams always seem so real

I hide behind my shame
For taking the life of
Small child with a grenade
It was him or me

Dear God please forgive me

The dream is always the same:
The river flows red with
My Brothers’ blood
As they lay breathless in the jungle mud

Their eyes wide open looking towards heaven
Their silent voices keep haunting me
But the dreams always seem so real
So I keep running in the jungle rain

I looked into the mirror again
I asked God to forgive me for my sins
Dear God do you really know who I am

The scars I wear nobody can see
They are rooted deep with in me
No matter how hard I try I can never forget
These painful memories

I looked into the mirror again
I placed my hand over my own reflection
Trying to find a connection
Of who I am

I whispered into the mirror, “So long Vietnam…”

But the dream is always the same
I am running through the jungle rain
The smell of death never goes away

I looked into the mirror
For the last time tonight
I saw who I was
It came backed to after so many years
Private First Class Tommy John

It hit me really hard right then and there
Vietnam was so long ago
I thought I came home
With out a scratch
Little did I know
The scars I wear nobody can see!