Ruby Alexandra Beloz

FEAR!

Be quiet not a sound!
He’s come home drunk again.
Quickly everyone hide under the bed;
Tonight there will be no rest

Mom please don’t fight with Dad
He’s been drinking to kill the pain
It’s all he has to quiet the noise
It’s what he does to become numb

He sits in his chair talking of the past
Telling stories of men that didn’t make it back
All of a sudden he starts to scream,
“Who are these kids and why does this woman stare at me?”

There were five of us kids, his own flesh and blood
But at that moment he didn’t know who we were.
He starts to SCREAM at my mother,
Calling her all kinds of filthy names

I hold tight of my sister and brothers
For FEAR of our lives
Not knowing if tonight we will all die
The FEAR makes us all cry

I don’t understand my Daddy’s pain.
I don’t know why he goes into this rage.
Who are these men that bring him tears?
Why does he hurt his family and cause us all FEAR?

My father comes out of his nightmare
Only to realized what he has done
The next day there will be flowers for my Mom
And a bag of new toys for all of his children

The only problem is that you can’t buy the FEAR away
And you can’t bring back the men from their graves.
My father lives day by day in total shame
The Korean War has turned him into a slave

I don’t know what the other kids think
We are all grown up now
We have gone on our own separate ways
My father has been dead for so my years

But the FEAR that lives with in me
From childhood memories has never gone away.
It comes to me at odd moments
For no damn reason

I realized that I have become a causality
Of my Father’s WAR.
I now understand after so many years
My father came home from the WAR

Wounded from a wound
That can not be seen
The wound bleeds
Internally

As for me…
I inherited my father’s wound.
I inherited the FEAR and feelings
I don’t understand.

So I pray to GOD
To forgive my Dad
I only hope in Heaven
He is no longer so sad!

My Father suffered from untreated PTSD