Ruby Alexandra Beloz

BETWEEN HEAVEN AND HELL

IWVPA Double Tap Award for War Poetry: November 18, 2005
Awarded: November 18, 2005
I woke up again
To the blazing sun
All over me
My Brother appeared to be free

His spirit no longer rested within his own flesh
He did not move next to my soul
Little did I know?
A bullet took his very last breath

I looked into my heart
I saw my true colors
My body stopped moving
I saw the blazing sun color my life fire red

I am stuck somewhere between life
And my final destiny
Thoughts of my life pass before me
I look to the sun in search of GOD!

Nevertheless, I cannot find him!

Therefore, I wonder if I am in hell
I no longer can feel my body move
I take out my knife and slit my arm
I watched as I bleed the same as the sun

I fear I am not dead yet?
Could I be between heaven and hell?
The last colors I saw
Was my life leaving me

My vision is now in black and white
FEAR takes over my life
Who I was is now out of sight
My body now travels at the speed of light

I wonder if I was a good son
I wonder if I was a good man
I wonder if my life really made a difference
I wonder if all of you at home really gave a dam

That today I died a Soldier in Iraq
Did you really care?
My mother gave her only son
Or the fact that I was too damn young

I never got to meet my wife
I never celebrated my life
My family name died in the blazing sun
I can finally see colors again

My soul leaves my body
My arms grew wings
My tanned skin turns lifeless white
The sky lifts me towards the sun

My life on earth is now done
The closer I get to heaven
I hear the voice of my brother
The one who left before me

He tells me don’t be afraid Soldier
You are no longer between heaven and hell
I stand here at the gate to welcome you home
I heard the sound of taps playing me

I saw all of my brothers and sisters
Standing in a very long line, there were thousands of them
I saw my grandparents who hugged and kissed me
My grandfather once served in Korea

He told me how proud he was of me

I now stand before GOD looking into my eyes
My tears were rolling down my cheeks
He asked me if I was a good man
I told him I didn’t know, I had blood on my hands

I could see the sadness in his peaceful eyes
He asked me if I was sorry for my sins
I said yes Lord please forgive me
I was Soldier who fought for my GOD and Country

I told the Lord I never wanted to be a killer
I thought I was defending my homeland
God smiled and forgave me
He told me a story when he once died for all our sins

Just then, my eyesight returned to me
I saw colors that I have never seen
I felt warmth as if I was in my mom’s arms
I felt safe and my fear no longer possessed me

The Lord waved for me to follow him
The sound of taps started to faded away
I saw my brother who died before me again
I heard the voices of Angels singing in the background

My brother thanked me for trying to save his life
Even though it cost me mine and we both died
Last night in that fire fight
I saw the blazing sun color my life

I now know how FREEDOM feels
The pain of death no longer hunts me
GOD has removed my guilt
I am free……… GOD has forgiven me……