Robin Amy Bass

I’M WAITING: PART 2

And I know you will say you are doing your best
I should play this smart I should give this a rest
But I’m always wanting what I haven’t got
Which means I keep waiting – although I should not

You told me that I should not leave him for you
I told you I didn’t – but that wasn’t true.
The reason I left him is easy to see
I left him so you would come closer to me

The minute I saw you I knew it was done
I knew in a heartbeat that you were the one.
The thing is you always can tell when I lie
It really is useless – so why should I try

To tell you a story that’s charming or coy
The man you’ve become is no longer that boy
That thought he could live on the edge till the end
And now I’m a woman who will not expend

The time that is left me on things that are fake
Or wondering what they will say at my wake
To everyone else you may have nerves of steel
But one look at you and I know what is real

And so I keep waiting in the hopes you will say,
“Where are you going? Please don’t go away!
Before I was lonely and now I am not;
Before it was freezing and now it is hot.”

I look for your heart in a wall of resolve
Still you are this puzzle I never could solve
You sing songs of ravens who fly in the sky
Of plots that grow thicker and still you ask why

I’m acting impatient – I’m going so fast?
I wonder if I am a thing of the past,
Whose timing was always a bit out of sync
Who knows in her heart that you’re her missing link

I can’t explain why I’m so certain or sure
But I can’t give you up and I can’t find a cure
So now I discover what others have known
The way that it feels when you know you’re alone

In love with somebody who’s only a man
Who says that he’s doing the best that he can
And second by second – bit by bit – day to day
He’s taking his time while he thinks what to say

He tells you that you are expecting too much
He’s doing his best but he just cannot touch
The place in your heart where you need it the most
Where he once played the edge – he has chosen to coast

He says that is what’s keeping him whole
Though he’s done it before – he will not sell his soul
And you wonder, “just what was the customer’s name?”
While he tidies the place and he starts to explain

That he gave at the office he gave in the war –
He gave to a woman who lived on the ground floor
He’s given it all and there’s no more to give
And when he wakes up he does not want to live

And you think to yourself – does he ever have fun
Because you just want to laugh – still you’re not gonna run
You know in the end he will send you away
You know in the end that he won’t let you stay

And you come and you go and you go and you come
And your brain spins around till your mind is just numb
And you think to yourself – I should kill myself first
And just have the last laugh – because you don’t know what’s worse…

To be in love with someone who is shell shocked and cold
To be in love with someone but too scared to have told
To be in love with someone who says, “Kid you’re ok.”
To be in love with someone who just sends you away

Who is selfish and cautious and weary and blue
Who says it’s just me – it is not ‘cause of you
You never could cause me to give and not get
Because that is one lesson I’ll never forget

I gave at the office – I gave at the store
I’m all out of giving – don’t have anymore
And there’s really not much I’ll be needing from you
Well you just have to laugh because it really is true

He’s an expert at hiding while he sits in plain sight.
And you just have to laugh – because you see he is right
And you see you’ll be waiting – and you just give a shrug
And you think to yourself – I should learn to be smug

I should learn to take life as a crap shoot and say
When I can’t seem to win I should just go away
And it doesn’t much matter – because I really can’t stay.
And soon enough tomorrow turns in to today!

But as it is turning you still cannot sleep
You think, “Is this healing?” The pain is so deep!
The pain you are feeling is so strange and so new
And you say to yourself this just not like you

But the pain is refreshing – before you were numb
It is keeping you company – you are starting to hum
There’s a song in here somewhere – or perhaps just a poem
And so you start to write – still in love still alone

Out from my soul – I’m unleashing the fear
Winning the race – comes from stripping the gear
You say it’s no contest and I quite agree
If I’m the door prize – what the duck – wait for me!

Wait for me, please, while I figure this out
Wait by the window with wonder and doubt
Call me and ask me are you coming to stay
What are you doing tonight and today

Now I grow tired – and so I conclude
Perhaps I’m impatient but you are just rude
You act as though you’re bestowing a gift
After some sleep I will really be miffed

I know I should end this before it’s begun
I doubt I can live through another false run
First time I saw you I knew I was doomed
And from the wreckage we both were exhumed

This time I’m not really looking for trouble
I don’t think I could survive all that rubble,
Volcano ash, and the carnival ride.
You’d think the past would have toughened my hide

Made me immune to the way that you are
I have a way of just going too far
Line after line I have crossed just to see
If you would budge in your treatment of me

Once in awhile I get in by a nose
Look down to see if I still have ten toes
Running this race can be hard on the feet
Walk on my hands – now and then – well I cheat!

Most of the time it is not me that wins
Most of the time you’re absolving my sins
Sins that make others just nod with a smile
While I am sentenced without even a trial

Guilty as charged – I’m a woman in love
No consolation from heaven above
Only place I am at home is just hell
Same place that you say you know very well

You say you’ve been to a hell and survived
Sometimes you’re amazed that you’re even alive
So much in common we have – such a shame
Wasting our time as we one-up in pain

I should get going I should go to sleep
This is Part 2 – I am in much too deep
I cannot end it – so I’ll just depart
Off to the sidelines, while holding my heart

So I’ll be waiting again in my dreams
Where nothing is ever as good as it seems
Dreaming awake – this is what I will see
You with a smile and you’re waiting for me!