Robin Amy Bass

NOTHING

Nothing makes him smile tonight
Tonight I cannot get it right
Last week it was fun and hope
Last week I thought I could cope

With the days that fall so short
With that sudden harsh retort
With the distance that is placed
With the war that’s not erased

Everything I say sounds wrong
Still I just go on and on
Saccharine! Yeah to dam sweet
Trying hard to sound upbeat

With a laugh that’s phony too
With a sigh, he sees right through
My charade! He’s sick of me
And I cannot blame him – see?

He is worn and battle scarred
One too many times, he’s sparred
With his demons, then and now
They stand up and take a bow

Claim him as their very own
While I’m standing here alone
What am I supposed to do?
How long can I wait for you?

You are tired. Go to sleep
I’ll stay up and try to keep
All the devils far away
Chalk it up as one more day

I wish I could make you choose
But of course, I still would lose
Me? Or am I losing you
Signal’s fading, right on cue

Out of soda, out of light
I was never one to fight
Pick your battles I am told
I am feeling much too old

To pick much of anything
Please don’t let him pick on me
Put aside the PTSD
And the high anxiety
And tonight just let it be

Something that I said tonight
Tonight we’re gonna keep it light
This time we’ll just watch TV
This time it’s just you and me

Eating crackers in the bed
Laughing at my jokes, instead
Of pain and aches and midnight chills
Paying military bills.

Demolition jobs not done?
Tell me why you are the one
Who must finish what he starts
Even if he falls apart
Can’t you see it breaks my heart?

Nothing makes me smile tonight
Nothing! I turn out the light
Grab your hand and hold on tight
Lead or follow – one thing’s true
I will not lose sight of you

Author’s Note: Tim left the hospital yesterday. He still has to have two more tests. He still is not feeling well. The “Cancer and Blood” Doctor, wants to do a several tests. Nobody is calling whatever he has, anything yet! He is not letting me near him. He just wants to sleep. I tried to talk about other things tonight. He just said he was going to hang up! He says he is sick of talking about his illness, but he doesn’t want to talk about anything else either. Last week we couldn’t stop talking.

I have a friend at work who always says, “LEAVE THE MAN ALONE.” So I am, but I hate it.