Robin Amy Bass

DARK TO LIGHT

There’s no light in all this tension
I am sitting in the dark
I am listening for your breathing
But I only hear the bark

Of the dogs, my neighbor’s walking
On this cold and moon lit night
Though I cannot see my shadow
I can sense something’s not right

So I call and ask, “What’s cooking?
Trade our recipes for pain
You grow weary of my banter
You’re too tired to explain

That the way that you are feeling
Is a thing that’s chosen you?
You’re too tired to deny it
Or pretend it isn’t true

If I tell you how it hurts me
If I lose you to this war
If I slip and or tell a stranger
You won’t trust me any more

You will blame me for my caring
You’ll accuse me of that thing
That will only make it harder
And intensify the sting

Now those moments filled with laughter
And the times we feel content
Are beginning to grow shorter
Now they hardly make a dent

There is silence in the hallway
As you turn the ringer off
On the phone, you barely answered
I was grateful for your cough

I’m not sure of all my options
And on whom I should depend
But the one thing I am sure of
I have always been your friend

So I cry at your resentment
At the treatment you’ve received
All I wanted was to love you
Now you say were deceived

When you love someone you help them
You are there when times get tough
From the moment that I met you
I could never get enough

I will never understand it
I have tried my level best
I have lost my own direction
Neither North or South or West

Or the East, will lend me passage
On a series of false starts
I am holding it together
When I want to fall apart

In that moment when it rang out
When I heard that awful shot
All the blood ran from my spirit
I stood rooted to the spot

When I heard you fill the chamber
Put those bullet in the gun
When I heard you pull the trigger
When I thought that it was done

And I felt in one brief moment
What you’d lived your whole dam life
While I do not have shot gun
It’s as if I felt a knife

I went running to the kitchen
With my body racked with chills
Then I thought this could get messy
I would rather swallow pills

And I don’t recall what happened
As the phone fell to the floor
But I threw up all inside me
Till there wasn’t any more

Then I crept inside my bedroom
With this voice inside my head
What a strange peculiar notion
I’m among the living dead

Well the ending turned out different
Then I ever thought it would
Now you’re telling me you love me
And before you never could

Well I don’t know how it happened
Some may say “Epiphany”
But I know I count my blessings
You are sitting next to me.

With the light switched off beside you
I could hear you say good night
Now we’re drifting towards our future
Now the dark has turned to light