Robin Amy Bass

CLASSIFIED INFORMATION

Classified Information
Please don’t show and tell
I have let you deep inside
My private personal hell

People take advantage
They love sordid news
That’s why I’m selective
That is why I choose

who I tell my secrets to.
In whom, I confide.
I’ve been burnt a time or two
Had my eyes opened wide

I invite you to come in
In my private room
I made sure that you checked out
Did not invite too soon

Now that I can trust you
I will sing this tune
But even though you’re meaning well
please do not assume

What I say in private
is meant for public view.
Take this vow of silence
‘Cause I’m warning you

If you tell my secrets
One slip of the tongue
Everything’s off balance
It all comes undone

Please respect my wishes
or I’ll get upset
I walk a tight wire
Work without a net

If I write my story
If I write a blog
Please don’t read between the lines
Please don’t let the fog

fool you for an instant.
What I say is true
What I tell to who and where
was never meant for you

to quote, or even paraphrase
No matter if it’s wise
I’m warning you – that mum’s the word
My words are classified

Author’s Note: Ben and I are opposites… in the sense that I am talker!!! I am a terrible secret keeper, even (maybe especially) when asked to keep a secret. In fact I tell people up front, DON’T TELL ME if you don’t want anyone else to know! There is ONE exception

When Ben first told me about his PTSD he said it was CLASSIFIED. Since he has known me for 17 years, he has had the opportunity to experience my secret keeping ability first hand. The Scorpio in him has never truly been able to understand the Libra in me…! That’s the part of me that says “Guess What I heard!”

In fact, Ben had to laugh when he first dropped me off at Alcoholics Anonymous. He knew that for me, the term AA was a textbook Oxymoron! He was right. By the 3rd day, my anonymity was shot to hell. As far as other people’s anonymity, I really tried not to give anyone up… but I don’t have much of a poker face.

When Ben told me about Vietnam, he asked me not to tell anyone! He said even if I met someone who he had already told, I was not to talk to that person about Ben, in regard to PTSD, Vietnam etc.

I said OK. And I have kept my promise. I changed his name for any of my stories or poems.

I initially changed mine too, but… I like my name… so Amyb (my middle name and last initial) soon became Robin Amy Bass. For a good portion of my life, I have felt somewhat invisible, so it didn’t seem to matter whether I used my real name or not. I figured none could see me anyhow… this was before computers and digital cameras… Anyhow…

I believe Ben feels the way he does about his identity, because of the way he was treated after he came home from Nam. I guess he doesn’t want the whole world to know he suffers from PTSD. I’m sure there is more to it… but I don’t care to elaborate. However, I do respect Ben’s request… it is his life we are talking about here.

At the same time, I am sorry he feels that way… because to me he is a hero. Because I did not know for so many years “His Secret” When I found out he was a former Marine, a missing piece of the puzzle fell into place. It crystallized this feeling I had always had that there was some more to him then the talented and angry (yeah very) musician that stood in front of me…

I always knew he had a way with words, and notes, and a gift for scrutinizing a situation. For taking charge, when there was chaos… for standing up for the underdog… but there was so much unexplained anger and sadness!

When we got reacquainted, after having spent 17 years apart, and he told me about the marines, and Vietnam, and it’s Aftermath, I thought to myself… this is a guy who “showed up” and stood by his brothers and served his country… not some angry rock and roller with a tough childhood.

If Ben would allow me, I would shout it out to everyone… because I am so proud of him. But, he asked me not to… so I don’t and when I write something I always clear it with him, if it involves him. He has said, because I write poems, and fiction and they are in fact my creations… he would never sensor me. After all, he is a writer too… so he understands.

As for my online diary… it is MINE! So the same rule applies… besides I never in a million years dreamed I would be writing about him in my diary. I started it, so I would stop shopping! Writing is free, isn’t it?

STILL Ben was annoyed when I mentioned I posted an entry of his in an e-mail to my yahoo groups. He let it go… he has other things on his mind… and he knows it was done in innocence… but it made me think and I ended up writing this!

Yes… I have a BIG MOUTH… BUT… if someone is going to print something on an ONLINE JOURNAL… and it’s not even a PRIVATE Journal… one would think the INFO could be sent to people where it might do some good. I didn’t give out the author’s real name, and didn’t take credit for it myself. I’m not a plagiarizer – I just sent it where I thought it would help.

OK… off to watch West Wing… best show on TV