Robin Amy Bass

AN EPISODE

I don’t know what happened
It came on so fast
I could not control it
How long did it last?

I don’t what caused it
Can’t hazard a guess
It only frustrates me
My brain is a mess

Some call it a setback
But it feels much worse
Those experts don’t get it
They want to disburse

Their pills and prescriptions
For what they can’t see
They give it a label
Some say PTSD

Whatever they call it
I don’t give a damn
I’m still left to wonder,
Is this who I am?

I stood by my brothers
I fought by their side
I thought I survived it
The ones who have died

Are watching in silence
I hope they’re at peace
I pray they are resting
That they’ve found release

My fate turned out different
I guess I’m not dead
But how do I turn off
The noise in my head

I try to control it
I try not to whine
But I grow so weary
Pretending I’m fine

I try to get past it
Try not to complain
But sometimes it gets me
I’m forced to explain

Some day’s I make progress
But then I fall back
I feel like they’re watching
I’m under attack

I try to divert them
I try to defend
I try to recover
And not to descend

Back into that hell hole
Without an escape
Just when it’s receding
They rewind the tape

I wish I could tell you
Who they really are
I’m not one to run
But these episodes scar

And leave me tormented
And weak in the knees
I lock up my doors
But with skeleton keys

These demons have access
They high-jack my mind
They eat me for breakfast
And after they’ve dined

I wake up so empty
I’m no longer whole
And what I fear most
Is they’ve stolen my soul

I cannot remember
Just where I have been
Or if it is morning
The state I am in

I look for a touchstone
Some sign from above
Believe, I’m grateful
For those who show love

I try to sit stone-faced
But tears spring a leak
The last thing I want
Is to act like I’m weak

It’s really ironic
This wasn’t my plan
Please know that I’m doing
The best that I can