Paul Anforth

THROUGH YOUR EYES

I have tried to see this through your eyes.
You were a young girl of 18 with no experience of life when we first met.
We were engaged within six weeks as I was shipping out again;
The story of my life; always going to someone else’s aid, never my own.

My job was to fight for those who were not able to defend themselves,
This job I did very well.

Later we married in Darwin with only a few friends present.
Not the all white wedding you dreamed of.
We were not married for long when they sent me to Afghanistan;
Once again to fight for others.

I suppose you didn’t get what you thought you bought?
For even at this time I was not me.
You had bought a lemon;
A man burnt out and suffering the first signs of shell shock and battle fatigue.

You say you didn’t want me to join the Police Force.
I can’t remember if this is true or not,
But I have no reason to question your word.

My five years undercover with the Drug Squad,
The Drug Law Enforcement Bureau,
And finally the Drug Enforcement Agency
finished cooking the concoction that the Military had started all those years ago.

You were left with the shell of the man you had met and married.
I am not able to work.
My life revolves around you,
And my happy moments are when I am with you.
God knows these moments are few and far between,
And becoming even fewer as time goes on.

I can understand you not wanting to be with me.

I can understand, but I can not agree with your decision.
My illness can not be cured.
It can not even be managed a lot of the time.
But remember this, not all wounds are visible.

If I had been sent home in a wheel chair would you still have deserted me?

My wounds I carry in my mind
But I am no less wounded then the Digger with no legs.
This, even the Government has finally had to accept.

I am a casualty of the many battles I willingly fought for you,
For those who were to come, and for those who could not defend themselves.

Please do not desert me now in my time of need.

Author’s Note: This poem incorporates both my military and Police service and written to my wife.